• Communication Tips for Couples That Really Work

    If you have found yourself in a troubled relationship, there is a very good chance you grew up with parents who argued and fought often. Your household was most likely filled with the sounds of angry voices, raised in an attempt to be heard or to simply drown out the other person.

    This means you had no role models for how to treat your partner or what effective communication looks or sounds like. And so, you find yourself flailing, hoping things will get better with your partner but not really knowing what you can do.

    The key to a healthy relationship, hands down, is good and respectful communication. If you are currently working toward mending your relationship, here are some communication tips that will help the two of you grow closer:

    Give Each Other Your FULL Attention

    We live in the age of technology, which means most of us has our head buried in our phone or tablet just about 24/7. This hinders good communication.

    When you are speaking with one another, make sure to give your full attention to what the other person is saying. Turn the TV off, put the phone down, and make eye contact.

    Take Responsibility

    There are those relationships that suffer because one person has been unfaithful. But oftentimes, a broken relationship is the result of two broken people. Take responsibility for your part in the trouble. Admit to your mistakes and commit to trying harder. When you minimize defensiveness you can stay in a conversation longer to be able to come to a resolution of the problem.

    Don’t Interrupt

    It’s not easy to hear someone say negative things about your behavior but resist the urge to cut off your partner when they are saying something you don’t like or agree with.

    Don’t Raise Your Voice

    Gentle, calm conversation helps keep emotions low. Yelling and shouting comes others from hearing you and understanding you better. Do your best to refrain from raising your voice at all. Speaking calmly, confidently and clearly really does help add credibility to your message. Take a slow, deep breath when you feel your anger rising, or ask for a break with a clear timeline to come back to the conversation.


    When your partner is talking, you should be hearing every word they say, not thinking about how you are going to respond. Many people are bad listeners. Listening is a skill you will have to develop over time, but why not start now? Listen to truly understand, ask open ended questions to help your partner clearly express themselves. It’s amazing what you may find out.

    If you follow these communication tips you’ll have a much better chance of reconnecting with your partner and making things work. And if you’d like to find a therapist that can guide you in your communication recovery, please reach out to me. I would be happy to talk with you about how I may be able to help.