Feeling stuck? Use Curiosity to Move Forward!
As a mental health therapist, I work with clients to feel more in control of their own life. Whether it’s anxiety, depression, grief and loss or relationships, clients come in feeling stuck and powerless to move forward. No matter where clients start, we work in the same way.
Where we start in therapy – We start with self-compassion because clients are way too hard on themselves and that gets in the way of being curious about making changes.And curiosity is what changes the game for most people. Some clients lean into self-compassion and fight not feeling sorry for themselves for too long, but most shy away from it, convinced it’s a lack of effort or talent on their part that they are failing in life, which proves my point. Clients are often just way too hard on themselves. It’s best to show yourself some lovingkindness and fairness during this journey!
Why curiosity is a gamechanger in therapy – Curiosity is one of the postive emotions that opens up our mind to options and here’s how.
- Curiosity gives us distance from our emotions. When our mind is observing patterns and asking questions – why am I thinking or feeling this way? What could I do differently? it gives us something to explore, and exploring is calming.
- Curiosity helps us put thoughts, feelings and behaviors into patterns we can act upon. Observing when we get mad, sad, or overwhelmed empowers us to catch these emotions sooner and try to act in a way that is more self-compassionate than harmful- like taking a walk instead of reaching for a cigarette or for a drink. It doesn’t happen immediately and it takes practice, but the goal in the beginning is to create a pause and feel there is a choice. And replacing feeling powerless or stuck with the realization that you have a choice is life changing.
- Curiosity helps us explore the default beliefs that we use to define what is true. These default beliefs act as a “bully”, using our thoughts and feelings to badger us into believing we are lonely, isolated and unworthy. Curiosity lets us lay those out in the open and update them.
- Curiosity lets us accept the story of our past with self-compassion. This doesn’t ignore our bad choices and challenges. Instead it gives us motivation to grow beyond them. Curiosity asks what if I stop doing this or that, or add something new to the pattern, could things be different from this point forward? What if I said I’m sorry, made restitution for my wrongs, or accepted the forgiveness of others? Would that help me move forward?
- Curiosity gives us permission to start over. When we accept our past and make the choice to change our patterns, we have to tell people about what we’re going to do differently. We’ve behaved a certain way in life and relationships and we’re changing the game. Curiosity lets us script out the statements we need to make about the role we will play moving forward. We have to mean it before we say it to be respected for it, so using curiosity to play the movie all the way through and face any resistance we may have will help in deciding what changes we really are committed to making. Statements aren’t a conversation, so expect resistance but be confident and consistent and follow through.
My goal for all my clients is to be curious and believe they have choices. Exploring their options allows them to take responsibility for the changes they want to make, and move forward in life. And that’s a really good thing to reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression and move people to accepting the losses in life and move forward having learned from them.
Need help? That’s what we do. Give me a call at 850.450.7223 today. What if you called and started considering your options?
P. Dianne Presley, LCSW
Owner/Founder Believe, Hope, Inspire Wellness Services LLC