Questions counseling clients are asking
Counseling clients who come to my office have a lot of questions. Questions range from how to manage anxiety symptoms all the way to what is the meaning of life. Many have suffered loss, betrayal, rejection and stress. In 2024 I’ve noticed more of a pattern around a few specific topics, and I want to share those with you here.
Questions #1 – Is this all there is to life? – Clients come in questioning where they are in life. Did I make a mistake choosing this job? This partner? Would I be happier if I lived somewhere else? They describe being bored with their life but they fight the idea that they are bored because they’re so busy. How could I be bored when there’s so much to do? But being busy is not the same as interested or energized. They are adulting – they go to work, make dinner, help kids with homework and get them to bed, then veg out on some Netflix and fall asleep either alone or next to an equally bored partner stuck in a monotonous routine. They want relief.
Answer: The answer is NO – this isn’t all there is! I tell couples and individuals in my counseling office this. You can still be responsible in adulting AND do it in a way that is energizing and fun. How? Shake things up! Go a different way home and pick up some flowers, then come in the door more engaged and present. Leave your work day behind by using whatever ritual allows you to set it aside. It’s your job to show up differently for yourself and with yourself so that you bring the change you want to feel. You can decide to move from bored to engaged by changing the way you show up! Yes, it is more complicated when your partner and the other people you live with are stuck. But trust me, if you start the change things will be different. And maybe you can influence them to make changes too.
Question # 2 – Why can’t we communicate better and stop this fighting? – Couples are still working from home and spending most of their days together. There’s an old saying that familiarity breeds contempt and many clients feel they know their partners a little too well and don’t like what they see – unfairness, laziness, anger, disrespect, etc. What’s the answer to the irritability of familiarity that fuels fights?
Answer – Spend some adult time together outside of the house – just the two of you! Get out of the house even if it’s going for a walk, sitting on the patio together, go for a swim, ride in the boat – it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money it’s just dedicated time to check in. The dinner date is often awkward and just a gripe session, so go bowling, axe throwing, throw a ball, shoot a basket together. Too much time in “adulting” mode can keep your vision narrow and dark. Literally step into the light of another environment and see the difference.